In the beginning you’re sat there, staring at every movement, every breath, listening for swallows, wondering if they’re getting any milk. Affectionately stroking their head, back, arms, their hands. Exploring each angle of their tiny fingers and nails, their small small bodies. Not that the wonder of it all wears off, but soon (after a week let’s say) you start to see other things around you too! And depending on how long it takes your little one to eat and be satisfied, or what time of day it is(!) your eyes start to wander. It’s as if you’re brain is attuned to seeing and noticing the little things. Every edge and corner of each piece of furniture & decoration around you gets scrutinised.
After a while (a few weeks), dare I say it? You may actually start to get bored! Especially when, a meal you’d like to take 5-10 minutes starts to breach into 40-50. If you were hoping that the eating might turn to sleeping, you may even feel a certain level of exacerbation the tenth time you try to remove your baby from your breast – which totally disturbs them, so you’re back again where you were a few minutes prior to the futile effort. You start devising plans. If I squeeze in the blanket between us maybe he won’t feel cold as soon as I move him? If I hold the sleeping nest up behind him while he’s feeding? If I don’t make a sound? If I stop breathing?
There’s a point where you may feel exiled; another where you’re hugely grateful for the opportunity and valid reason to withdraw for a while.
At home you start to make some habits. Do you go immediately and sit down when you’re baby wants to eat, or do you have to find and fill your glass of water first? Are you looking for a sling? Or do you just continue what you were doing and feed your little one on the go? Are you looking for the remote? Or your iPhone?
I’ve been reflecting over my own actions today. My first baby… I relived Friends and got through every episode of Gilmore Girls! My second baby was almost always fed on the move. One handed eating, cleaning, down on one knee filling the washing machine, one handed cooking, one handed chasing first child! Baby number 3… Pinterest! Hmmm, the reason for 3000 pins in 2 months… you can check them out here 🙂
OK – I had a two month period where I thought I’d do something ’more productive’/’beneficial’. I bought two teach yourself french apps. I now get four daily reminders that I haven’t opened them in the last four weeks! Nothing wrong with optimism; now I just need to get around to changing those settings!