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How To Deal With Pre-Tween Run Away Threats

Miss Six: I’m Running Away!

This is the third time she’s announced this.

She’s furious.

Exhausted.

Her hormone levels are through the roof.

She’s disappointed.

Annoyed.

Sick of everything.

Tired of everyone.

Everything is someone else’s fault.

Nobody cares.

 

There’s no logic in her thoughts.

No reasoning with her.

No breaking through.

No way to stop the hurricane.

 

We’re tired.

Fed up.

Had enough.

She’s going nuts.

 

”I’m running away”!

She’s screaming.

Ripping clothes out of her wardrobe.

Packing her bag.

 

Mr M said ”Fine! You do that!”

I could have said it too.

I’ve said it before.

But I couldn’t.

 

I couldn’t let her think even for a moment that that would be ok.

That we wouldn’t mind.

That she could.

That that would be a solution.

 

I suddenly remembered.

I ran away.

I know how it felt.

 

I held her and hugged her.

She was mad.

I told her she couldn’t run away. I wouldn’t let her. We loved her too much.

It didn’t break through.

It didn’t help.

More screaming.

 

Finally, I sent her to go calm down.

Be by herself and calm down.

I let her be for a few minutes.

 

I went back to her.

”We won’t let you run away.

…We love you too much to let you run away”.

 

But, she’s not me.

I don’t know if those were the words she needed to hear.

 

Ten minutes later.

Hugging her.

Reading a book.

Kissing her head.

Tucking her in.

She was at peace.

 

Thank God!

Just this time, maybe I did say the right thing.

Maybe I did say what she needed to hear.

 

I was six The First Time I Ran Away.

I didn’t get that far.

Did you run away when you were little?

 

How To Deal With Pre-Tween Run Away Threats. "I'm Running Away!", it's the third announcement. She's furious. There's no reasoning. And we're exhausted.

Linking up ‘How to deal with pre-tween run away threats‘ with: #FamilyFriday

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23 Comments

  1. This is so beautifully written! I do remember announcing VERY firmly that I was going to be running away right now and my dad said…’Oooh are you? If you wait while I make myself a quick cup of tea, I’ll come and help you pack.’ That straightened me out – luckily I saw the funny side of it!

    • What’s exactly the thing you can say or do that’s going to dissolve the tension? It’s so personal isn’t it! You and your dad sound like a fantastic team 🙂

  2. My goodness this has really made me think. My children are 8, 8, 9, 17 and 18. This issue has never come up so i have never given it any thought until now. Your words are written so caringly and they have reminded me that i wanted to run away when i was about 10. I had completely forgotten but now i think about it i felt alone and like nobody understood me. You did the right thing letting her know how much you love her. Thats all kids want. Being a child is so hard and i think as adults we forget that sometimes. Hope things settle down for you all.

    • Thanks Cheryl for such a beautiful comment. You just never know what’s going through their minds do you! I was ready to run away more than once and all three times my parents were blissfully unaware of the whole thing!
      One of them I told my mum about not so long ago, she just didn’t have a clue!
      …Sometimes ignorance is bliss!! 😉

  3. I love the way you have written this, so full of the emotion and stress, and love, of the situation. I never actually ran away, but I threatened a lot, and even packed a bag a few times 🙂

    • Thanks Sara, what a beautiful thing to write. Yes, bags have been packed here twice this week too! What stopped you?
      I was trying to remember myself why I mostly didn’t go anywhere… I think it’s because someone called it was dinner time, or a friend knocked on the door to play, or I suddenly thought of something else I wanted to do…
      Haha, simple distractions!

  4. I never ran away as a kid. We’ve had threats from ours to run at various times though, and the response has ranged from answering ”go on then!” through to helping them pack to just hugging them and talking to them. Some methods work better than others, but there’s never a foolproof answer. Sounds like you did the right thing in my book. Thanks for linking up again! #FamilyFriday

  5. It doesn’t matter how big or small we are we all need a bit of alone time followed by a big hug of reassurance every now and again. I don’t remember threatening to run away, but my sister got to the bottom of the garden where she camped out for a few hours beneath the old cherry tree, when she was young.

    I hope your daughter is feeling like the word is a better place for now at least!

    Popped over from the #SHINEbloghop.

  6. Ahhh hormones aren’t they fun? I can imagine that you said just the right very thing. I think sometimes we think ya go ahead run away, thinking we are calling their bluff. But those that do run away feel that no one would miss them that’s why they do it. So I think you are brilliant for doing exactly what you did! Glad she calmed down. It’s hard to know what to do or say in those situations. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

  7. Oh hon what a lovely way of describing what was clearly a rotten time. We’ve had some really challenging behaviour from our 5yo, which is now calming down no end but she still has one or two full on meltdowns a week (they used to be daily!) I can really empathise with trying to give a cuddle and making it worse. Sometimes you just have to let them get it all out, and have faith that they’ll ask for a cuddle when they are ready for one. Bloody hard work though eh. Hugs 🙂 #brilliantblogposts

  8. Oh darling, loved both your posts and the tone and style of them, so engaging and heart breaking because I know I’ll hear the same one day from the boys. You handled it so well. It’s hard being a kid huh! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

  9. Oh goodness. Weve not had this…yet! Sounds like you handled it really well. Its amazing how much it can diffuse a situation by telling them how much we love them. I use it with my 3 yr old all the time and it really works. My parents never told me they loved me. I ran away alot but never got very far. Too scared. Really moving post thanks for sharing.

  10. Oh bless her, it’s hard when you’re a kid and you have no idea how to deal with your frustrations. I’ve no idea what I would have done, but I remember running away once too. To the bottom of the garden! I remember the loneliness, so it sounds like you told her exactly what she needed to hear. x

    • It’s funny isn’t it, that however far or not far we got, the truth is that we felt mad enough to do it. And we know what we were feeling 🙁

  11. My eldest has just turned 6, the other two are 4 and 2 and so far we haven’t had any of them want to run away. But I’m sure there will be times in the future. I love the way you handled it!! I will be using that absolutely!

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